A Tale of A Midsummer Night's Dream...
by The Boofun Bashers United
Summary: The Rather Twisted Effects that Shakespeare had on Heero Yuy......


The Tale of:  
The Rather Twisted Effects that  
Shakespeare had on a Heero Yuy  
A Tale of A Midsummer Night's Dream  
Written by: Spastic S. [Sanndea, part of the Boofun Bashers]  
  
  
Authors Introduction...  
Hiyah! There isn't much I have to say about this story...   
Other than it's really jacked-up and weird and you won't get it at all unless you are familiar with some form of Shakespeare's A Midsummer night's Dream. Seriously, I don't know where I get these ideas. Keep in mind that I had to tweak the story ... well, a lot a bit since, well, these are G.W. characters, folks, and they do not live in old England. So if it doesn't follow the original plot exactly, it at least has the same gist.  
  
Warning... I am a member of The Boofun Bashers United and thusly  
I support Relena and Trowa bashing. Also, I may refer to characters   
(Specifically Katie, Mel, Sanndea and Riven) who may be unfamiliar to you. Check the author description of myself or of The Boofun Bashers for further info... I don't have time to explain it now...  
  
K. For starters, they are all still bunking at Quatre's mansion... It starts out in the dead of night (I guess midsummer, as the story goes, but I dunno) and Heero's dreams are haunted by Ms. Relena (bimbo)   
Peacecraft:  
  
  
  
Part 1... Shakespearean Torture  
  
Relena's voice plagued Heero's dreams, whiny and coy and maddening.  
Heeeeero! Why don't you like meeeee? Heeeeeeeero!   
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerooooooo!  
Why don't you pay attention to meeeee?   
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrro!  
He tossed and turned, muttering, "No, no, go away... kill... I'm gonna kill..." Heeeeero! Why don't you come and kill meeeee?  
"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Heero screamed.  
The next thing he knew, he was on the floor. He dragged himself up and opened his closet door, on which he had a portrait-sized picture of Relena tacked up. It would have been an exceptionally good picture of her dispute the fact that the face was a mutilated pulp of paper shavings. He drew his gun and fired the entire round of ammunition that was in his gun into her head (or what was still left of it). "Stupid bitch! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!"  
He collapsed onto the floor, breathing hard. "This is just perfect. Peachy. She'd driving me insane. Totally crazy. Literally. I can't STAND killing girls ... as much as I would love to ... that bitch won't leave me alone! Grrrrrrrrraaahhh!" He chucked his gun at the wall. "I have to get a plan. Something to keep her off of me for a while... If I don't ... wait a minute..." he trailed off, listening, with his head cocked to one side and heard nothing. He realized that he'd been having an entire conversation with himself. He shut up.  
Hmmmmm, he thought, what to do, what to do ... if I have to endure again what I did today ... he shuddered at the memories of the afternoon, when, in insisting that he do something "cultured" and "constructive" for a change, Relena sat him in a chair (eventually, she had to get Dorothy's help and tie him down). Then she got this crusty looking book off the self and began to read him... gasp! ...Gag...cough... Shakespeare! He endured it for hour and hours ... until everyone else came home and let him loose.  
"Poor Heero!" Quatre had said, "Look what you did to him,   
Relena!" All he could do for hours after was stare blankly at the wall with bloodshot eyes. Everyone else ignored him ... in fact; Duo sat a board on his head and used him to put the drinks and popcorn on. No one understood. Four hours of Shakespearean torture was enough to send any boy into nervous fit.  
At that very moment, in his room, sitting on the floor, visions of pansy little elves in tights danced around in his head, taunting him in salty old English. "Ahhhhhh! Get them out of my head! Get them out!"   
He bashed his head against the wall.  
Suddenly, it all came together. He had the perfect plan. It couldn't fail. It couldn't... as long as he got just a little help...  
He began to chuckle.  
"Ha. Haha. Hahaha... Hahahaha... BWAhahahahahahahaAAAAAAAAhhhhhHHH!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Zechs was in his own apartment, not too far away, with the phone pressed to his mask. "Noin! I told you! Stop calling me! - No, I don't want to have dinner with you - NO! I don't want to come to your house tonight!"  
There was something going on outside, he stuck his head out the window. "I really don't appreciate this, Noin," he went on, while absorbing the melee on the sidewalk, where Treize stood with a nerve-shattered Lady Une and the landlady was throwing out bags of their junk to them. Suddenly, the window ledge fell down upon his head. He was knocked unconscious and the phone fell and broke. Pity.  
At the other end of the line, Noin was a little bit concerned.   
"Oh my God! Zechs? ZECHS!!! OH MY GOD, ZECHS IS DEAD OR AT LEAST   
SEVERELY HURT AND I MUST GO TO HIM!!!!!" She hung up the phone and go she did.  
  
Meanwhile, ten feet below where Zech's head hung out a second story window, the landlady threw Treizes' belongings out into the street. "And take this and this and this... and don' chu cum bac heea   
etha! Not unna-les you's gonna pay your rent!"  
"Oh no! Oh God Treize! We have no house! We have no home! We'll freeze in some ditch somewhere and no one will ever hear from us again!"  
"Do me a favor and put on your glasses."  
"Oh, very well..." Instantly she shut up.  
Treize said, "There's gotta be a place around here we can live for cheaper."  
"If there's anyone I can kill for you..."  
"No, Noin. No. I think that... hey, wait a minute!" He noticed the edge of an envelope poking out of one of the bags and boxes that littered the sidewalk. He knew without looking that it was a letter for Quatre Winner and company telling them the tragic news of Heero's untimely death (before everyone figured out he was just stuck in a different time period). Treize looked at the address and remembered vaguely about seeing Quatre's house on something like "Lifestyles of the Nauseatingly Rich".  
"Come, Lady," he said, and snatched the envelope and the biggest of the bags.  
  
When Zechs came to, someone was sponging his forehead, which hurt like hell. His vision cleared. "AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
His scream echoed through the empty streets. Somewhere, a dog barked.  
"Noin! Why are in my house?! How do you know where I live?!"  
She held up the phone book. He squinted down at it.  
  
Zechs Marquise/Miliardo Peacecraft  
Old Rose's Apartment complex  
(100) 000-000  
  
"Not very bright, are you?" Noin said.  
"Ahhh!" He ran over to his refrigerator and grabbed a pencil. Note to self, he wrote. Remember to get an unlisted address.  
He was about to tell Noin to get out of his house - again - and then it hit him. "Where's my mask!"  
"I dunno. When I got here, all I saw was you, hanging out the window without your mask thingy."  
"I KNOW IT WAS YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT, NOIN?!"  
"I - told - you - it - was - 'nt - meeee!" She choked out as he throttled her.  
"It has to be here somewhere!" He said reverently, and dove into the kitchen cupboard. Hours later, he collapsed onto a box of Christmas tree ornaments. "It's not here!" He moaned. "I can't believe it!"  
"Geez oh Petes!" said Noin, scratching her head, coming up behind him. "What a mess you've made. I thought it was just a little bit obsessive when you looked through every box of food in the cupboard, but slicing open the mattress? Why would find it in the mattress? Why is that thing so fricking important anyways?"  
"It has sentimental value," he snapped. Zechs' eyes got a dreamy, far away glaze to them. "Captain Lightning Count was my alter ego as a boy. I saw every episode ten times. I owned every piece of merchandise ever manufactured. Then, ChocoPuffo Sugar Balls was offering a limited edition genuine Captain Lightning Count helmet. I made myself sick for half a year I ate so much cereal. Finally, A package came in the mail and... Hey wait a minute! Why are you still here?"  
Noin looked hurt. "Fine. Just- fine!" She slammed the door.  
Good riddance, he thought. Very slowly, tripping over various articles strewn all over the floor, he retraced his steps before he leaned out the window. Leaned... wait a minute! He had leaned out the window and suddenly he remembered, as the window slammed down... the mask slipped from his face, down, down into Treize's bag!  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"  
He ran down to the garage and jumped into his car. "Wherever he is... I'll find him!" He sped down the highway. Suddenly, he heard a yawn in the back seat. He turned around to look. "Ahhhhhh! Noin! How'd you get in my car?!"  
"Geez. You're paranoid. The door was unlocked."  
"Oh. Be that as it may..."  
"Look. Do you even know where you're going?"  
"Not really."  
She sighed. "Men. No common sense. What were you planning to do, anyway? Scavenge the whole earth trying to find him. After what you did to your house, I don't think that's the best idea - but I wouldn't personally put it past you."  
"Errrr..." he paused. She had him there.  
Noin pulled a cellular telephone out of her purse. "Ha. A girl's best friend," she said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
To be continued...  
  
What is Heero's new plan for Relena's demise?  
Will Zechs ever retrieve his mask from the unknowing clutches of the now homeless Treize?  
  
Find out in part 2- Puck and Other Fun Stuff!  
  
  
  



End file.
